I paid the mortgage on our house, but my ex-husband could get half the money
29 Mins Read
Divorce, once rare and stigmatised, has become mainstream – 42 per cent of marriages now end this way, meaning nearly half of us who get married can expect to experience it in our lifetime. Just as every marriage is different, so is every divorce. In this column, divorcees reflect on their life-changing experience. Helped by the benefit of hindsight, they’ll share advice and reflections.
Anna*, 31, from Suffolk, who works in governance, tells how her husband used her for financial gain – and why she wishes she’d drawn up a prenup before their wedding. Interview by Lauren Crosby Medlicott
It’s been two years since I left Tom*, and I’ve lost £20,000 in savings – all the money I had been saving since childhood – to legal fees, fighting to keep the house I bought prior to meeting him.
Shorts
Can I save money without giving up fun?
Kasia Delgado
Chief Features Writer
When it comes to financial planning, I’ve always lived month to month, but recently I’ve wanted to be slightly more serious.
So I spoke to a range of financial experts for the easiest, idiot-proof ways to be savvier with money – without just hibernating.
The expert tips
Print out your bank statements
“This is the hardest step but you’ve got to know what’s coming in and out, down to the pound,” says financial coach Ian Dempsey. You’re more likely to remember what’s on there, and pay attention to it on paper.
Caption: Kasia Delgado reads old letters from her childhood. A professor of happiness at Bristol University taught Kasia how adults can train themselves to be happier and find more joy, like when they were unencumbered children.
Photographer: mail@teripengilley.com Provider: Teri Pengilley / i News Source: Teri Pengilley
Caption: Kasia Delgado, Chief Features Writer, i News. Photographer: Teri Pengilley Provider: Teri Pengilley / i News Source: Teri Pengilley
Draw an image of what you’re saving for
“Anything that requires discipline is much easier to achieve when you [can picture] the end goal,” says Ruth Power, from the Financial Management Bureau.
The expert tips
Experts are arguing that the UK should make greater use of existing government data Photographer: Andrzej Rostek Provider: Getty Images Source: iStockphoto Copyright: andrzejrostek@gmail.com
Go on a money date
If you’re in a relationship, for 30 minutes once a month, take a notebook to the pub/cafe and talk about money with your partner.
Delete shopping apps…
They are designed to be compulsive. Removing them gives you an extra layer of resistance.
Close up of an unrecognizable woman shopping online with credit card via mobile phone – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
An image of a hand that quickly sends an email – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
…and unsubscribe
Marketing emails are designed to reach you when you’re likely to spend money.
How it went when Kasia followed the expert advice
I delete Vinted and only re-download it when I actively want to replace something for my son that he’s grown out of.
I’m no longer buring my head in the sand. Sections of my bank statement flash into my mind when I go to use the Uber app.
Money dates have been uncomfortable. We did have a small argument about buying own-brand beans versus Heinz for example, but scribbling down numbers we want to save has also been exciting.
I have found it easier to be mindful about spending and broke some unhelpful habits, like associating walks with always getting a coffee.
How the UK currently saves
The average person in the UK has £16,067 in savings in 2025.
39%
However, 2 in 5 Britons have £1,000 or less in savings. A quarter have £200 or less.
1 in 6 UK adults (16 per cent) have no savings at all, equating to around 8.4 million people.
82%
Men are estimated to have 82 per cent more in savings than women.
Almost three in 10 (28 per cent) of adults state saving money is a habit.
The final verdict
The truth is, I’m never going to be someone with five side hustles and the financial savvy to become a bitcoin billionaire. But I’m no longer thinking, “where did my salary go?”. The small changes have, over time, made a difference to my bank account, but also my mind and self confidence.
KASIA DELGADO
‘I’ve found greater joy in spending money in an active, more conscious way – on things that felt worth it such as a massage, a cocktail with a friend, a comedy gig, a tricycle for my son,’ says Delgado (Photo: Teri Pengilley/The i Paper)
Six easy swaps to increase your fibre intake
We asked the experts why it’s so important to include enough fibre in our diets, and how to do it without totally overhauling our diets…
Why fibre is important
Fibre isn’t a fad nutrient. It’s been consistently linked to better health outcomes for decades. Unlike protein, which the majority of people already get enough of, fibre is something most of us (96 per cent) are significantly lacking.
NICHOLA LUDLAM-RAINE, SPECICIALIST REGISTERED DIETITIAN AND AUTHOR
The small diet tweaks to make
Beans, lentils and chickpeas are fibre powerhouses, with around 6-8g per half-tin. If you find beans tricky to digest, start with microdosing them for a week and gradually build it up to half a can at a time.
Bread is the category of food that is most thrown away, survey finds (d3sign Provider: Getty Images)Caption: Green vegetable salad with chickpea, spinach, cucumber, red onions, and greens on a wooden table. Top view Photographer: Qwart Provider: Getty Images/iStockphoto Source: iStockphoto
One of the simplest changes you can make is to switch to wholegrain versions of everyday carbs. Swapping two slices of white bread for wholemeal adds around 3g of fibre.
How to add fibre to your diet
When you cook potatoes the right way they go from being a health burden to a health hero (Photo: Getty)
Keep some skin
The skin of some foods can contain up to 50 per cent of the total fibre. Just make sure it’s safe to eat.
Level up the snacks
Berries, raw vegetables with hummus, or a small handful of nuts are all easy fibre wins.
Yoghurt and frozen berry crunch in a glass jar – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Breakfast cereals can be swapped out for overnight oats (Photo: Jogy Abraham/ Getty Images)
Don’t skip seeds
Ludlam-Raine adds a spoon of mixed seeds to porridge, cereal, yoghurts, soups and salads.
A few extra handfuls of fibre-rich ingredients might be all that’s needed to take your meals from average to fibre-full.
Small changes are key because they’re more sustainable and better tolerated by the gut. Increasing fibre too quickly can cause bloating or discomfort.
One in four people in the UK is living with mould and/or damp in their home…
David Prince, a leading damp surveyor who travels across the country treating mould, spends the day with The i Paper writer Eleanor Peake.
Surveyor David Prince warns people are being overcharged by rogue companies for unnecessary treatment (Photo: Teri Pengilley)
The UK
Britain’s damp problem is one of the worst in Europe.
45%
Private renters are disproportionately affected, with 45 per cent currently battling symptoms of damp.
30%
From 2015 to 2024, British winters were 16 per cent wetter than in previous years.
By 2070, UK winters are projected to be up to 30 per cent wetter.
The house I visited with David Prince – a private rental
Renters are desperate for a resolution to their ongoing damp issue.
David notes that although the bathroom has an extractor fan, the room wasn’t being ventilated efficiently.
The hot air from the bathroom was floating towards the coldest part of the building (the bedroom) and turning into water as it hit the cold bedroom walls.
This was an internal ventilation issue, other houses have an external issue. When the guttering is overgrown the water has to go somewhere else, sometimes seeping back into the brick.
The houses most at risk
Victorian terraces, or those built in the 1910s, are more likely to have rising damp – where the water seeps through the foundation of the house.
Caption: David Prince, Director of Abbott Property Care Ltd. For a feature on damp by Eleanor Peake, Senior Features Writer at The i Paper. Photographer: Teri Pengilley Provider: Teri Pengilley / The i Paper Source: Teri Pengilley Caption: David Prince, Director of Abbott Property Care Ltd. For a feature on damp by Eleanor Peake, Senior Features Writer at The i Paper. Photographer: Teri Pengilley Provider: Teri Pengilley / The i Paper Source: Teri Pengilley
Modern houses are often built with concrete ring beams, one of the coldest materials to build with. The damp turns to condensation just by hitting the walls.
Damp specialists
Caption: Eleanor Peake, Senior Features Writer at The i Paper, meets David Prince, Director of Abbott Property Care Ltd, to examine the issue of damp in rental properties. Photographer: Teri Pengilley Provider: Teri Pengilley / The i Paper Source: Teri Pengilley
Only a small number of damp specialists – around 250 – are registered with the Property Care Association (PCA) in the whole of the UK.
This means that a majority of people in the UK are receiving quotes and recommendations about damp from building surveyors who aren’t qualified to give a diagnosis, says Prince.
The golden rules for managing damp
The most common issues can be solved by simple tweaks.
Start with the outside. When it’s raining, have a walk around your building to see if the gutters are pouring water down the wall, or water is being trapped in some way.
Make sure you have good ventilation in key wet rooms: kitchen, bathroom, utility, and toilets.
Open all your windows every day for a short period of time to force natural ventilation – even on cold days.
Never place furniture, or even pictures, on an external wall if it suffers from mould. It helps retain moisture.
Woman awaking after sleeping well in a nice sleeping room. – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
SLEEP
How to reset your sleep
Irregular sleep has been linked with poorer cardiovascular health, metabolic disruption, inflammation and mood imbalances.
If your sleep has fallen out of whack, this is what the experts recommend.
From personalised ‘sleep windows’ to unhelpful bedtime routines.
Consistency in bedtimes
It helps the brain feel safer and more predictable around sleep, which is important for people with insomnia. When sleep and wake times are consistent, that clock stays well aligned. When sleep timing is all over the place, the body clock becomes confused…
dr ZOE GOTTS, CONSULTANT CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AT THE LONDON SLEEP CENTRE
Couple sleeping in bed – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
The changes to make
Sleep tourism in hotel. Exhausted woman sleeps sweetly in bed in the morning – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Find your sleep window
When do you naturally start to feel tired? Aim to allow your body to sleep within that timeframe most nights.
Wake at the same time
Pick a wake-up time you can stick to and anchor everything around that, says Dr David Garley, sleep expert.
Sleep doesn’t have to be so complicated (Photo: Olga Pankova/Getty)
Caption: TOPSHOT – NASA’s Artemis II Space Launch System (SLS) rocket is seen at sunrise at the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Florida on April 1, 2026. On Wednesday three men and one woman are set to embark on the first crewed journey to the Moon since 1972, a landmark odyssey that aims to launch the US into a new era of space exploration. The NASA mission dubbed Artemis 2 has been years in the making after facing repeated setbacks, but is finally scheduled to take off from Florida as early as April 1 at 6:24 pm (2224 GMT). (Photo by Gregg Newton / AFP via Getty Images) Photographer: GREGG NEWTON Provider: AFP via Getty Images Source: AFP Copyright: AFP or licensors
Get out into sunlight
Exposing yourself to daylight soon after waking helps to sync your circadian rhythm, says Dr Garley.
How to reset your sleep
Regulate your nervous system
Many people are running on exhaustion but still in a state of high alert, so might not be able to rest when needed, says Dr Gotts.
Gentle routines, reduced evening stimulation, and calming the body can make a huge difference.
Sleep tourism in hotel. Exhausted woman sleeps sweetly in bed in the morning – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)Senior bed woman problem pain headache home elderly mature pain bedroom upset unhappy female caucasian adult relationship retirement old difficulty ache head sick migraine hangover sleep – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Don’t spend too long in bed
If you cannot sleep within 20 minutes, get out of bed, ideally out of the bedroom, and find a relaxing and distracting activity to do while you wait for the natural urge to return.
The tweaks to make to reset sleep
(Photo: AzmanL/Getty/E+)
Look at your bedtime
Don’t presume earlier to bed (ie. more time in bed) equals better sleep. The timing needs to fit you.
It might mean going to bed later
Set an alarm to anchor the wake-up time, then choose a bedtime that allows you to fall asleep easily and aim to sleep solidly within that time.
Woman in bed at night having trouble sleeping. – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
A mature woman lies in bed and reads a hardback book – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Don’t overdo it
Too much preparation can increase pressure around sleep so a short and consistent routine is far more effective.
Weight training has a host of benefits, but only if it’s done correctly.
We asked personal trainers the common mistakes that people make when lifting – especially for the first time or early on in their strength journey – and how to avoid them.
Woman lifting barbell with heavy weights in cross training gym – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Priotising weight over form
When the load is too heavy, form usually breaks down, the wrong muscles take over, and the risk of injury goes up. If you can’t control the lowering part of the movement, keep good posture, or move through the full range, you’re compromising.
CELEBRITY TRAINER AND PT AIMEE LONG
The mistakes you could be making
Close up of male athlete gripping heavy green kettlebell during strength training exercise in cross training gym – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Not progressing
If you’re reaching for the same pair of dumbbells each week you’re likely just maintaining muscle, not building.
The wrong trainers
You need adequate support for your ankles, without overly cushioning your arches.
Find the best shoes for you (Photo: Xavier Lorenzo/Getty/Moment RF)
Woman at the Gym – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Not timing your rest
PT Nancy Best’s advice is to take 90 seconds of downtime before picking your weight back up.
Research has found that strength training can help slow bone loss (Photo: FJ Jimenez/Moment RF via Getty)
Neglecting recovery
Progress does not happen during the workout itself; it happens afterwards when your body repairs and rebuilds.
Poor sleep, not eating enough calories or protein, or training the same muscles hard every single day can hinder recovery and leave you constantly exhausted, says Long.
Not choosing the right exercises
An effective programme is built around variety.
Ensure your training includes each movement for the upper and lower body.
PT Luke Worthington recommends a push/pull programming.
Upper body push targets the shoulders or chest and upper body pull typically works the back.
Lower body push includes squats and leg press whereas pulls include deadlifts and hinges.
What to do
Perfect the movements before increasing the weight.
Best recommends Nike Metcons or Converse for a flat, stable surface.
Aim to eat 1.4-2g of protein per kilogram of bodyweight if you’re regularly exercising.
When you’re comfortable you can increase the weight, number of sets or reps, or range of motion to progress each lift.
LIFESTYLE
6 min read
The eight biggest mistakes we make when retiring
Psychologist and author Dr Denise Taylor says we shouldn’t sleepwalk into retirement, nor stop walking, just because everyone else has.
Denise Taylor’s marriage ended at 60 as the structure of the working day faded away (Photo: Mihai Zsigmond)
The mistakes we make when retiring
The man is currently drawing a small defined benefit (DB) pension (Photo: SimpleImages/Getty)
Hoarding money
Many clients tell me their biggest regret was spending too little when they were healthiest and most able to enjoy it.
Planning to rest
Boredom in retirement is misunderstood. It’s rarely about having nothing to do. It’s about having time without meaning.
Naps before 1pm can lead to better cognitive performance in the following hours (Photo: Lord Henri Voton/Getty Images)
People prepare financially and practically, but don’t do the psychological work of leaving well.
Waiting to plan what’s next
Once the structure of work disappears, people can slip into a narrower way of being. Start sketching out possible paths at least two years ahead. Even rough ideas about what you might want to explore – creative projects, volunteering, learning.
DR DENISE TAYLOR
Denise Taylor has worked with many clients who moved into ‘purposeful’ roles expecting to feel better, only to be more depleted than before (Photo: Ilona Gierach)
Common mistakes she sees
‘I know it’s a minor thing but it makes me feel unheard and ignored’ (Photo: PonyWang/Getty)
Not preparing as a couple
Discuss how much time you want together, and what kind of lives you’re moving towards, rather than assuming it will naturally align.
Trying to stay busy
Without noticing what drains your energy, activity becomes a way of bypassing the deeper adjustment.
Remember to care for your lawn (Photo: RHS / Tim Sandall)
Senior bed woman problem pain headache home elderly mature pain bedroom upset unhappy female caucasian adult relationship retirement old difficulty ache head sick migraine hangover sleep – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Treating it as an ending
People can find themselves psychologically stranded. Days begin to blur into one another.
Retiring because everyone else is
For a generation raised to expect retirement at a certain age, default timing can feel normal.
The timing is personal.
Portrait of senior man at desktop computer in home office – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
The mistake is retiring without questioning whether that timing actually fits your own life. It ignores your relationship with work, your health and your finances.
Agony Uncle
5 min read
What to do
1For some a gradual shift is best like working fewer days or changing role, slowing down.
2Experiment before you leave. Taking a sabbatical or reducing hours can show you how retirement might feel.
3Prioritise a small number of meaningful anchors: one regular commitment, one place where you feel known and one activity.
4Slow it down psychologically – question default timing, resist expectations and ask yourself what kind of transition you are actually stepping into.
Sir David Attenborough is estimated to have travelled almost two million miles in his career, and has visited 90 countries and all seven continents in his quest to enhance our understanding of nature (Photo: Shirlaine Forrest/WireImage)
SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH
The national treasure has celebrated his centenary
For all the inspiring insight into nature that Sir David Attenborough has given us, he has also shown us how to age well.
Here, Chief Features Writer Kasia Delgado looks into his lifestyle, and the tips he’s shared to live to 100.
Caption: Programme Name: Africa – TX: n/a – Episode: The Future (No. 6) – Embargoed for publication until: n/a – Picture Shows: SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH WITH A THREE MONTH OLD BLIND BLACK RHINO ??? LEWA WILDLIFE CONSERVANCY, KENYA – (C) BBC/David Chancellor – Photographer: David Chancellor Photographer: David Chancellor Provider: BBC/David Chancellor Source: 6 Copyright: WARNING: Use of this copyright image is subject to the terms of use of BBC Pictures’ Digital Picture Service (BBC Pictures) as set out at www.bbcpictures.co.uk. In particular, this image may only be published by a registered User of BBC Pictures for editorial use for the purpose of publicising the relevant BBC programme, personnel or activity during the Publicity Period which ends three review weeks following the date of transmission and provided the BBC and the copyright holder in the caption are credited. For any other purpose whatsoever, including advertising and commercial, prior written approval from the copyright holder will be required.
LOREM IPSUM
Never retiring fully
Putting your feet up is all very well, but it’s very boring, isn’t it?
In the last two years alone, Attenborough has done voiceovers on a number of projects, including Wild London, and a National Geographic Disney film, Ocean.
Although his workload has remained high, he did acknowledge in 2017, that as he ages, he sometimes finds it harder to recall correct words as quickly as he did before.
Improving his diet
In his 90s, Attenborough has cut back on red meat, and begun eating an increasingly vegetarian diet.
Whether as he said, he “simply lost the taste” for meat, or whether it was an environmental or health reason, the NHS advises that eating a lot of red and processed meat increases your bowel cancer risk at any age.
Caption: Fox Cub BBC Wild London 2026 Attenborough Screenshot
Big Read
7 min read
Keeping active
Caption: Sir David Attenborough visits the London Wetland Centre in west London where he launched his new campaign to raise public awareness to help reverse the butterfly decline, urging the public to plant butterfly-friendly flowers in their garden to help reverse declining numbers of the insects. Photographer: Stefan Rousseau Provider: PA Source: PA Archive
Attenborough has previously said he has “never done exercise” in an official capacity.
But he has kept active by going for walks in Richmond, where he lives.
Interviewers who have been to his home have also mentioned him practically skipping down the stairs of his house.
TELEVISION
8 min read
Avoiding becoming isolated
When Sir David’s wife Jane died in 1997, the couple’s adult daughter Susan moved in with her father. He said at the time: “I’m quite used to solitude in the wilds but, no, an empty house is not what I enjoy.”
Caption: TELEVISION PROGRAMMES: THE QUEENS GREEN PLANET Monday 16th April 2018 on ITV Sir David Attenborough joins Her Majesty the Queen in the gardens of Buckingham Palace This unique, landmark documentary follows Her Majesty the Queen and an ambitious legacy project to create a global network of protected forests, spanning the 52 countries of the Commonwealth. This project, called the Queen’s Commonwealth Canopy, brings together Her Majesty’s deeply held commitment to the Commonwealth and her little-known love of trees. At the heart of the film is a conversation between the Queen and Sir David Attenborough filmed in the gardens of Buckingham Palace last summer. In a rare opportunity to see the Queen talking informally to Sir David, the conversation ranges from climate change, to conkers and birthday gifts. The film follows members of the Royal Family involved so far in making the Queen?s Commonwealth Canopy a reality, including Prince Harry planting trees in the Caribbean, and Prince William and his family in Canada’s Great Bear Rainforest. (c) ITN Productions For further information please contact Peter Gray 0207 157 3046 peter.gray@itv.com This photograph is ? ITV and can only be reproduced for editorial purposes directly in connection with the programme THE QUEENS GREEN PLANET or ITV. Once made available by the ITV Picture Desk, this photograph can be reproduced once only up until the Transmission date and no reproduction fee will be charged. Any subsequent usage may incur a fee. This photograph must not be syndicated to any other publication or website, or permanently archived, without the express written permission of ITV Picture Desk. Full Terms and conditions are available on the website www.itvpictures.com
Provider: From ITN Productions Copyright: ITV
Sir David Attenborough during the event marking his 100th birthday today at the Royal Albert Hall (Photo: BBC Studios Natural History Unit/Buckingham Palace)
He’s also been known to respond personally to fan letters and maintain relationships with people who admire him. He has no iPhone or email address and instead prefers to communicate by handwritten letter.
Appreciating small things
It seems to me that the natural world is the greatest source of excitement; the greatest source of visual beauty; the greatest source of intellectual interest. It is the greatest source of so much in life that makes life worth living
Caption: Veteran broadcaster and naturalist Sir David Attenborough with an Australian bearded dragon after receiving an honorary degree from Queen’s University in Belfast for exceptional services to science and broadcasting. Photographer: Paul Faith Provider: PA Source: PA Archive
Forget lifespan, everyone is focused on extending their healthspan: meaning, the number of years you live in good health
So what tiny tweaks can you make to your daily routine to extend a fulfilled life? Health writer Rosie Fitzmaurice tried some out.
The research
One year
Analysis from the University of Sydney found that getting an additional five minutes of sleep, two minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity and an additional half-serving of vegetables per day could lead to an extra year of life.
A decade
Getting seven to eight hours of sleep each night, more than 40 minutes of moderate to vigorous exercise each day and following a healthy diet, were traits associated with almost a decade of additional lifespan.
Daily tweaks to make
Colorful Array of Mixed Beans – stock photo. (Photo: Getty)
Daily spoonful of beans
One large study found that an intake of 20g of legumes daily may reduce a person’s risk of dying in any given year by up to eight per cent.
Fibre at breakfast
Most people in the UK eat around 16–18g fibre a day but 30g is recommended.
Caption: Ro??ie Fitzmaurice – fibre maxing. Photographer: Teri Pengilley Provider: Teri Pengilley / i news Source: Teri Pengilley
(Photo: Carlos Gawronski/Getty).
Olive oil shots
One major study found those who ate the most olive oil (more than half a tablespoon a day) had a 19 per cent lower risk of death from any cause.
Daily tweaks to make
4There are benefits to eating an early dinner when we’re insulin sensitive and strolling afterwards to help digestion.
5Vigorous intermittent lifestyle physical activity – rather than structured exercise -ccould reduce the risk of a heart attack.
6Strength training is still important and just 30 to 60 minutes each week is associated with a 10 to 20 per cent lower risk of death.
7Balance training improves neuromuscular co-ordination and proprioception, which are critical for preventing falls.
She had a helping of beans daily and loaded her breakfast with nuts, seeds and berries.
Fitzmaurice swapped butter for olive oil, had dinner two hours earlier (around 6pm) and did one-minute bursts of exercise throughout the day.
She also practised her grip strength through dead hangs at the local park and brushed her teeth on one leg to improve balance.
The verdict
I can’t predict the future, but it’s true that making a few microtweaks to my weekly routine have had a surprisingly uplifting effect on my mood. As the world feels so utterly terrifying, taking control of the small things feels like therapy.
ROSIE FITZMAURICE, HEALTH JOURNALIST FOR THE i paper
Caption: Writer Ro??ie Fitzmaurice. Rosie Fitzmaurice Photographer: Teri Pengilley Provider: Teri Pengilley / i news Source: Teri Pengilley
We started dating in 2020. I was 26, had just come out of a long-term relationship and was feeling quite vulnerable after a bad break-up. My friends set me up with Tom, someone I’d heard about through them for a while. It was supposed to be for fun and distraction, but during lockdown we agreed that he would come and live with me – in the house I owned.
Surprisingly, I fell for him. Tom was silly and fun, a good time guy – he seemed steady and calm which appealed to me after my intense last relationship. Two years after we started dating, he proposed. I didn’t expect it at all – and really, deep down, I had doubts about us, but felt I was too far in now to say no. We married in July 2023.
I thought the things that annoyed me about him would change, but they got worse. He was lazy – he didn’t help around the house at all. I owned our house – he came into the relationship in debt, so we’d agreed he would pay towards the bills, but not towards the mortgage. This seemed to make him think it wasn’t his responsibility to look after it. He got really irritable when asked to do chores or help out more. I know now that I was too soft on him, but at the time, I convinced myself that things weren’t too bad.
Our physical relationship had never been amazing, but after our marriage, it got worse – he didn’t seem interested in any intimacy. When I questioned it, he said I had unrealistic expectations. I remember trying to hold his hand on a walk, and he ripped it away from me.
But when I described to a friend the reality of our relationship – that physicality was non-existent, that Tom didn’t pull his weight financially or practically, and that he expected me to wait on him hand and foot – her reaction made me realise his behaviour wasn’t acceptable.
In November 2024, only a year after our wedding, I wrote a letter to him asking him to leave my house, and that I no longer wanted to be married. He left with only an overnight bag, and a week later, after not hearing a word from him, Tom texted to ask me what we were doing about the money situation.
We decided I would keep the house as I had paid for it prior to our marriage, and my childhood savings which amounted to about £20,000. Tom would get all the liquid assets – the car we shared, some of our joint savings, and his ISA account – amounting to about £20,000. Considering he had entered the relationship with debt, this seemed like a fair split.
Then a month later, Tom told me he was hiring a lawyer “to make sure I wasn’t screwing him over”. This lawyer convinced Tom that because we married, he could get upwards of £60,000 from me – which would include a lump sum from the sale of my house. His lawyer’s argument was that although Tom might not be able to touch the deposit and mortgage paid off, he was entitled to the increase in the value of the house, which they worked out at £50,000, plus the liquid assets we’d previously agreed to.
Later, Tom and his lawyer began threatening that Tom was also entitled to the deposit and the mortgage I had paid off.
I then had to hire a lawyer to represent me. The only way I could afford it was to eat into my childhood savings, which I had never touched before. My parents are angry and mad as hell at him – they showed him such kindness and even let us live with them while we had our kitchen done, with my mum doing his washing and ironing.
Although the divorce went through almost a year ago, I am still in this financial settlement battle. As part of this, both parties have to share bank statements, so I know he has himself spent about £13,000 on legal costs on this point – money he could have just kept and carried on with if he hadn’t dragged me through this.
Tom refused to move any of his things out of the house for one year after he left. All of his stuff – clothes, book, toiletries – was there, a constant reminder. Legally, I couldn’t change the locks for a year, seeing as it was technically the matrimonial home, and I felt uneasy that at any point, he would come back for his belongings. The stress of it all has led to me staying with friends and family, as the house I once loved has become such a negative space for me.
As our court case draws closer, I am getting increasingly stressed that the judge might just turn around and say I must give him half the value of my house, even though he never contributed towards it. I feel totally powerless. Although I feel happier and more like myself since having left Tom it has caused me huge stress and in the last few months, I’ve felt emotionally drained and physically exhausted.
I never imagined this could happen to me. I sorely wish I had had a legal agreement drawn up to ensure that whatever the result of our relationship, I would be entitled to the house I owned. Retrospectively, I wish I had ended things with Tom when he convinced me to let him move in during the lockdown – I wish I had trusted the bad gut feeling I had about it. And I definitely should not have married him. My indecisiveness when he proposed should have been a red flag. I’ll never make either mistake again.
If you’re considering marriage, or even a live-in partner, I’d definitely advise that you know for certain that it’s the person you want to build a life with, and require that you both sign legal documents to protect financial assets.
It’s human nature to see the best in people, especially early on in a romantic relationship, the honeymoon period. But things could always shift, and it is worth paying a few hundred pounds to get a legal agreement drawn up to protect any financial assets in case things go south. If that person has your best interests at heart, this shouldn’t be an issue – if it is, it’s a warning sign.
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